I fake it so real, I am beyond fakeDawn Summers
by In Smithereens
Summary: AU Buffy was never ressurected in S6. Dawn is still living in Sunnydale and has become incredibly self-destructive. She is seventeen years old. She has slayer powers. She is still ignored. There will be Spawn romance!
1. Chapter 1

Dawn Summers hung half- out of her bedroom window, curtains closed behind her, smoking a cigarette. Officially, she was getting ready to go to a sleepover. Unofficially, she was dressing for a party in LA. She sat and contemplated the lies she had just told as she smoked the cigarette to the blunt, she tossed it out of the window, her lips barely scorched.

Slowly she walked over to the mirror and surveyed her outfit. She was wearing worn, holey jeans, purple flip-flops and a white tank with the words "Miss World" written across the chest. She picked up her sister's old black hoodie and held it to herself. Two years on, it still smelled like Buffy's familiar peppery-rose perfume. Tears welled behind her eyes and she walked over to her closet. Opening it, she bought out her sister's false- bottomed chest. She took of the top and smiled, seeing the half- full vodka bottle in between the vials of holy water and stakes. She opened it and took a swig, grimacing she screwed the top back on and stashed the chest. Moving faster, she began to pack her bag. Shoving a bikini, top and the hoodie inside she looked around the room and rolled her eyes... "Still little sis", she muttered. She placed her make-up bag on top of them she closed the bag. She then put in her cell phone, cigarettes, keys and money in the outer pocket. She returned to the mirror and let her hair down; she sprayed a cloud of perfume and placed her sunglasses on top of her head.

She loped down the stairs and called out tentatively.  
"Willow, are you back?"  
There was no reply. She put the sunglasses on and walked out of the door. She walked down the empty street for a couple of minutes until a familiar old red car pulled up.  
"Hey Summers, ready for this?" The driver yelled.  
She smiled and opened the passenger door.  
"Yup", was all she said as she slid onto the passenger seat and lit a cigarette.

Two hours later they had arrived in LA. They drove through the city until they came to a seedy neighbourhood in the Valley. They pulled up outside a run-down house that was practically pulsing with the thump of music. Adam laughed as he stepped out of the car, "You coming or what?" he said, pausing to check out the girls walking into the house. Dawn smiled and rolled her eyes.  
"Of course." She slid out of the car and they walked into the party together. The next few hours were spent drinking and, well, drinking. At 1am Dawn was sitting on the edge of a red sofa making out with a guy who had attached himself to her from the moment she had come through the door. She had tried to ignore him for the first hour and half but then he said the magic words.  
"You're special, y'know, like nothing I've ever seen before. Strong, like no other girl I ever saw."  
At that, Dawn was his.

Suddenly there was a crash behind them. They looked over and saw a black-clad figure staking a female vampire. He turned around and Dawn's eyes widened.  
"Dawn?"  
"Angel?"  
They regarded each other for a second. Angel looked tired, like he had had too many late nights, or days....  
"You're here? With that?" He finally spat out, grabbing her wrist and pulling her upright. She shoved him away and his eyes widened at the power of the move.  
"No, we just met and hooked up, problem?" She said back, glaring at him and pulling the guy (why couldn't she remember his name? Slut, much?) upright with her.  
"Babe, I don't want to fight your brother." He said as he half-ran out of the room.  
"Dawn, you're coming back to the hotel." Angel said, trying to grab her again.  
"Don't touch me, just don't" She said, flinching and stepping backward.  
"I care about you and I'm not going to allow you to stay here". He said, quietly trying to usher her out of the room.  
"What, just because you used to bone my sister? Or rather bone my sister, turn evil, turn good, brood and break her heart?"  
"Yes, she wouldn't want you to be here, does anyone even know" Angel said, exasperated. He grabbed onto her shoulder.  
"Newsflash, she's dead. Long dead. Two years in the ground dead. She can't want anything." Dawn said.  
"Okay then, how about I call Willow?" He said his vice-like grip still on her shoulder.  
"She doesn't care. She didn't even ask me where I was going, I told her the truth." Dawn replied, evenly.  
"What? So she just agreed to let you drive over two hours to a neighbourhood you don't know, with people obviously under the influence and get felt up by a 26 year old who, cliché of clichés is in a rock band?" Angel said, wondering if Connor was like this with his family.  
"I'm seventeen! Willow's not an idiot, she knew that I wasn't going to a sleepover. She knows that none of the girls at my school like me. I've told her over and over again." Dawn spat walking out of the room. Angel followed her and stood in front of her, he reached out and pushed the hair out of her eyes. She was shaking, willing herself not to cry, or hit him.  
"Dawn, you know you can't stay here. Just come back to the hotel and get some sleep. You can leave in the morning... Seriously, nothing else. I just want you to sleep a full eight hours and you can leave." He said tenderly.  
Dawn weighed up her options. She couldn't stay here and she didn't know this side of LA very well. Angel was, if nothing else, a nice guy (vampire).  
"Sleep, nothing else". She said. They walked out in silence. She took her bag out of Adam's car and got into Angel's. She sat in the passenger seat and fell into a deep, empty, sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Dawn woke up and fished into her jeans pocket. Bringing out her cell phone she cursed as she saw the display. She had been asleep for three days. She looked around the room and saw a figure hunched in a chair next to the bed. She moved closer and he woke up with a start.

Much to Dawn's char grin the first thing out of his mouth was "Buffy?" apparently she smelled like her. She wondered what he meant, like her sister, or like the slayer. Would Spike figure it out? He regarded her, as if in pain and questioned her about her life, why she was in LA, even why she wasn't in school. Apparently he had forgotten about summer vacation and his promise to see Dawn. Dawn evaded questions about her weight and everything else for half an hour. Asking him about his travels, his soul. But then Spike lost it and slammed a hand down on the wooden bedside table.

"Talk to me, Bit. What the fuck is going on here? What have you done to yourself?" He grabbed hold of her arm. She shrugged him off.

"I haven't done anything, Spike! You don't even care anyway. You only stayed because of Buffy. And then, two months after the fact, it dawned on you that she was dead. That you were fucking free." She said, her eyes flashing.

"Dawn, you know why I left. You didn't need me. You had your dad, and the Scoobies." He said gently.

"Yeah, for a couple of months… Then, like you, they realised that they didn't want to be with me. My dad left me with Giles, Xander and Anya got married, Anya got pregnant, they moved across town. Willow and Tara broke up and Will threw herself into school and Tara went over to England, joined some coven in Devon. Giles is trying to rehabilitate Faith so that Sunnydale can be safe and they all act as though the Bot is the second coming…" Dawn's lower lip trembled and she tried not to cry.

"But Dawn, I can feel it. Sunnydale doesn't need the Bot and it sure as hell doesn't need Faith. You are strong. Strong like…"  
"Don't say it. You don't get to compare me to her. I don't want to be like her." Dawn turned away, cell phone crushed in her hand.

"Why? What was so wrong with her? Why do you hate her?" Spike looked at her, almost disgusted.

"You don't get it, nobody gets it! Buffy's life was shit, okay? She had to sacrifice everything she loved, everything she wanted so that she could save the world, completely without thanks. If she was alive now, what do you think she would be doing? She dropped out of college, barely scraped by in high school, and never had a part-time job. She would be lucky to get a job flipping burgers at the Doublemeat!"

"But Dawn, you have these powers, you have to use them…" Spike trailed off.

"No Spike, I have a shot at being something big… I'm on the honour roll, I won the under 18s creative writing prize for California! I am not going to let this fluke change that!" She stood up and ran her hands through her hair.

"Dawn, you have been chosen. You can't walk away from that." Spike said.

"No, I haven't. I did some research, listened to Giles. The active slayer is Faith. Buffy couldn't pass on the line. I think it's more of a proximity thing. Like her powers needed to go somewhere, so they came to the last person she touched. Because, once a slayer is dead she is human, she's not special anymore."

"You can't look at it like that. Dawn." Spike grabbed hold of her wrist again and she stopped.

"Spike, I just can't do this. Buffy was a superhero, and I'm just little sis. And I don't want to be anything else. I want to be normal… I can't" She broke down on the floor, sobbing. "I don't want this. I'm not…" She choked out. Spike slid down onto the floor next to her and held onto her. Stroking her hair.

"Just let it all out…" He murmured into her hair. Dawn looked up at him. Her face streaked with tears. Their eyes met and slowly dawn moved her head up to kiss him. He didn't think twice. Taking her face in his hands he kissed her back.

Authors note: I hope I explained the whole slayer thing okay. I wanted to get some continuity in… Review, and email me with suggestions!


	3. Chapter 3

Spike pulled away from Dawn and shook his head.

"This isn't happening, you're only seventeen." He stood up and walked across the room and opened the curtains. The sky outside was dark and he fished in his pockets for a cigarette. He lit it and looked at Dawn. She was still on the floor. Face streaked with tears, her arms covered in goose pimples and her fingers touching her swollen lips.

"It is. And it's not like I haven't done this before." She stood up and picked up the cigarette packet he had placed on the windowsill. She lit one, fingers fumbling with his heavy Zippo lighter. He frowned but didn't say anything. For a few minutes they stood next to each other, smoking cigarette after cigarette. Finally Spike had the guts to say something.

"You smoke like a drug addict." He said. Dawn choked.

"What?" She said, searching his face.

"So hard and fast, like you're trying to pull all of the nicotine out as fast as you can, so you can get some kind of a fix". He said, frowning.

"Well I'm not…" Dawn said. Spike let out a small laugh.

"Not yet, I can smell all of that crap on you. Could hear your blood rushing around way too fast when you slept. Can hear your restricted breathing now." He said, reaching over to her. Dawn stepped away. She stubbed the cigarette out on the window sill and picked up her bag.

"I need to take a shower…" She said. "Is Cordy here? I need to borrow some jeans or something. These are stuck to me."

"Sure, I'll go and ask her." He started to walk out of the room and stopped at the door. "Don't go anywhere, okay? Just take a shower and we'll talk." He said, gently and walked away, closing the door softly.

Dawn looked around the room and walked into the bathroom, her bag clutched to her chest. She closed the door and opened the bag. She fished around until she found the old vitamin bottle. Carefully, trying to be silent she emptied the contents onto the toilet seat and sorted through the assortment of pills inside. She placed the white herbal vitamins back in the bottle and began to crush the rest of the pills with the tiny knife she kept in her makeup bag. Once they were fully crushed she gathered up the dust and put it all in the sink. She ran the water and the powder went down the drain. She then examined the knife and, with a bottle of disinfectant she found in the cabinet she wiped the blade, getting rid of any traces of powder, and blood. She did the same with the razor blade in her wallet, tucked behind the mass of ticket stubs and photos. Once this was done, she placed everything back in place and turned on the shower. She undressed and stepped under the warm spray. For a few moments she forgot about where she was, what had happened. She stepped out of the shower and towelled off. She put on underwear and a fresh tank top and towelled her hair dry. She looked in the mirror and grimaced. She applied make-up over the dark circles around her eyes and put on her usual thick black eyeliner. She was about to walk out of the bathroom when she stopped and rooted around her makeup bag. She found a tube of lip-gloss and applied it, smiled at her reflection and walked back into the room.

Cordelia was sitting on the bed, to Dawn's surprise. She held up a pair of jeans and Dawn smiled, taking them and putting them on. She was about to start making small-talk when Cordelia said something that surprised her.

"I'm sorry."

Dawn looked at her, "What do you mean?"

"That I wasn't there, that Angel wasn't there. That we didn't help her." Cordelia said evenly.

"It's um, okay. I have to go; I need to be at home. My friends will be worried." Dawn said, putting her bag on her shoulder and walking out of the door.

"And I'm sorry that had to tell Angel." Cordelia said, making Dawn stop in her tracks.

"Tell Angel what?" Dawn said her eyes wide. Cordelia frowned.

"What I found in your bag, the scars on your body, the messages on your phone." She replied quietly. "Dawn, you need to at least talk about it."

"I spoke to Spike, told him everything." Dawn said, trying to stay calm.

"No you didn't. He told us what you had said…"

"He told you?" Dawn said, walking out of the door.

"Angel's not going to let you leave, not yet." Cordelia called to her.

Dawn carried on walking until she came to the stairs and stopped, trying to see if she could make a break for the door. She started down the stairs but stopped when she could hear yelling.

"You don't understand, she needs help. Help that we can't give her." Angel shouted.

"She's seventeen, Angel. Remind me what you were doing with Buffy when she was that age?" Spike countered.

"That was different. Buffy was strong and mature and she didn't have an assortment of anti-depressants and appetite suppressants on her person at all times. Or self-inflicted scars and burns on her body."

"We can help her. She's been through a lot… more than Buffy ever had. And she's just as strong. Even more mature, and intelligent and powerful."

"And you're basing this on what? A five minute conversation and make-out session?"

"You stupid git. You never knew her!"

They went silent as Dawn walked into the room.

"Dawn, do you want anything to eat? Drink?" Angel said, standing up.

"No, I'm just going to go. Sorry for being such a burden…" She said. Angel looked at her and nodded towards a chair.

"You wouldn't get a step without me stopping you. Even with your powers." He said.

"You told him? Him? What gives you the fucking right Spike? I should dust you right now!" Dawn shouted.

"Dawn, I love you. Maybe not in the same way Spike thinks he does but I care so much about you, I can't let you go anywhere." Angel said. Dawn thought for a second and sat down.

"So, do you want anything to eat?" Angel started again.

"No," Dawn said looking at her feet. "Can we just get to the part where you tell me that you're all here for me and I'm hurting myself and I promise never to do it again and we hug and stay together forever, one big happy family?"

They argued like this for hours, Angel getting more and more worked up and Spike smashing inanimate objects when Angel said something he didn't agree with. Dawn stayed calm, tried to reason with them. But then Angel asked a question that made her explode.

"Are you doing this for attention?"

"Yeah, because I tell everyone about my broken fucking home and invite all of the kids in the neighbourhood over to watch me self- harm and at school I look at thinspo pictures in Computer Lab, loudly telling anyone who will listen to me how fat I am and how much I want to be pure. Waving a red bracelet at them!" She said, disgusted. "So no, Angel, I'm not looking for attention. I just want to be left alone. And maybe to have fun… ever heard of it?"

"How is any of this fun, Dawn?" Spike said, quietly. This was one of his first contributions to the conversation and Dawn looked at him.

"You wouldn't understand." She said, looking away.

"Try me, okay, try me." He said looking her in the eyes.

"Whenever I'm partying, or fasting, or cutting I feel like a real person. Not just some second-rate superhero with false memories. 'Cause this is normal to go through, not like anything that the Scoobies had to deal with. 'Cause how can a ball of green energy feel pain, or euphoria? When I hurt and when I'm high I'm just another girl. I could be anyone, I don't have to think, I don't have to fight." She said, sighing.

"But don't you realize how dangerous…" Angel said, exasperated.

"I'm a vampire slayer living in Sunnydale. What part of my life isn't dangerous?" She said frowning at him.

"Tomorrow, Bit, I'm taking you home. No arguments Angel… We need to be in Sunnydale. Dawn, go back up and get some sleep." Spike said, calmly.

Dawn walked back up the stairs quietly… She took off the jeans and slipped into the bed. For a moment she thought that she wouldn't be able to sleep, but once she closed her eyes she drifted off.

Authors note: Sorry, my Angel knowledge is very limited… I've seen very few episodes but, as its AU I feel that this is permissible. Review please 


End file.
